You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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