uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
