Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
