oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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