No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
