dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
