We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
