Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
