I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
