i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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