So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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