True but thats because hes a fetus.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
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You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize