Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
