I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
