He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
