I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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