Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
