just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
