everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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