a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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