Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
