It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
