Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
