I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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