So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
