Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
