Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
