Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
