Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
