Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
