I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
