I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
