drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
