I molested 6 butterflies tonight
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize