but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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