just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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