I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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