I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Randomize
