the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
