I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
