what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
