my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
