i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
