so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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