Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
