its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
