My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
