I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
