sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
