I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
