My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
