I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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