Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
