and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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