He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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