Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
