Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
