Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
