So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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