Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
